It's been a while..

So it's definitely been a long time since I've been on here or posted anything but I just kind of need to vent. I've been in an on and off relationship for over a year and a half now. Kayce is my first love, though sometimes I wish I could quit him. He has put me through so much crap that most girls would be long gone and moved on. He has slapped, kicked, punched, and nearly choked me to death and still I am with him. Does this sound like love or some other sick thing? Cause lately, I'm not too sure about anything anymore. I've talked to this guy named Ramon since I was 12 or so, like a pen pal typed thing. He lives in Cali and his mom lives in North Carolina. We've never met but he wants to this October when he goes to Myrtle Beach. I've always wanted to meet him, and I've always had feelings for him. It's crazy to care so much for someone on the other side of the country that I've never truly met other than skype and over the phone. He's amazing and everything I could ever ask for, but I thought the same things about Kayce when I first met him. Ramon told me the other day that he would love to be with me and that made me really happy. I just don't know. I found out on my 18th birthday this year ( March 1st ) that I was pregnant and I wanted my baby but Kayce talked me into having an abortion, but now not even 6 months later Kayce wants a baby with me. I'm not so sure if it's the best idea, I'm young and I kinda want to go to Cali and go to college or something, I just don't want to be a statistic. I never want my kids to go thru what I've been thru as a child and a teen. Watching my mom struggle and work 3 jobs. At the moment I don't even think I want to be with Kayce anymore but everytime I leave him I end up wanting him back. Even after he slept with a married woman behind my back 4 times while I was in Texas to hunt, or one of my "friends" that we went to highschool with when we first started dating. Part of me wishes I would have left then, and saved myself and him all of this heartache. I just feel like if I can have feelings for Ramon and Kayce can cheat on me so easily then what's the point of being together ? All we are doing is making a mockery out of a beautiful thing God put on our planet...love.