cutting.do i need help?
Posted March 8th 2009 at 09:53 PM by chhd
Tags self-harm
okay so my story isn't as bad as some people's and it's kind of long but i'm gonna try and sum it up as best i can.So it started in 7th grade when my friend started cutting and she told me and i asked her why. she said because it releases all the stuff she keeps in. She warned me that i shouldn't do it because i would most likely get addicted to it, i was fascinated because she spoke of self- harm like it was heroine.But knowing the dangers of it i had a lot going on my mom was drinking a lot and coming home late and waking me up and screaming at me for no reason and my dad could care less. So i turned to a rusty tack and it felt good,i felt better.That's how it all started but as it got worse and i started feeling didn't like no one cared like i didn't even exist it got worse, i started turning to cutting even more. but to sum things up i started using razors and knives even burning myself. But one day i got sick of it ,the whole sherade of wearing a jacket and jeans every day so i told my best friend to tell the guidance counselor. So she did, and i got called to her officce that day.She asked me about it and i told her what i was doing. She took pictures of my wrists and upper arms and she sent me outside of her office to call my mom.So anyways they basically told her she had to take me to the doctor and she never did so dss took me away and put me with my dad. yeah bummer i know well at first he made me live with my sister and i would always sneak out of my window and have people waiting for me at the end of the street and i would smoke and drink and when i would climb back in my window and lay in my bed, i knew this feeling wouldn't last so i was still cutting. i would hide the blades in my pens and empty chapsticks and even slice a slot in my belts. So then when i had to move in with my dad i wasn't exactly happy.i still cut for a while then i got into drugs and stopped cutting.But then my dad and my step mom started talking again(they had just seperated when i first started cutting) and we moved back with her and i started again. i mean my grades haven't been good since 6th grade i used to play soccer and cheerleading now its just whatever i don't eat alot and i almost never sleep.I don't cut on my wrists anymore because my boyfriend would freak if he knew he's the senior on the football/hockey team you know the prom king type and yeah i just don't want to walk up to my parents and be all like im depressed they won't believe me they'll think i want attention and that's really the last thing i wanted.But i mean i want to get better i just don't know what to do i mean my parents or some dank school couselor can't do anything and the therapist dss made me go to didn't help any obviously do i need help? like a halfway home or some shit?
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