I Can't Take It Anymore.. :( **Language, Possibly Triggering**

I deserve to be treated better. And, I can't wait 4 more years to get outta here. I admit, I have it pretty great material-wise. But, when you say that when you die of a stroke from you pushing yourself to work too much, that it's my fault and that I'm selfish. Wow. What if you killed over right then and there and then, I blamed myself for it for the rest of my life? You make me feel like shit. Nothing I ever do makes you happy. I almost died back in October. You didn't cry. You looked mad. You verbally, mentally, and physically abuse me. And, I have no say in this what so ever. I can't even go over a friend's house because I DREAD coming back to this fucking house. I can't stand seeing how my friend's parent treats them, how I should be treated. Then, coming home to you. To you making me feel as if I have to be perfect, then you tearing me down every chance you get. Nothing helps. Nothing is gonna help until I'm out of here. It could be TONS worse. But, this is just as much as I can take. So, I'll wait it out for 4 more years. But, if I mess up my no cutting streak.. blame yourself. Blame yourself that you're a bad mother. BLAME YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING. I DONT GIVE A SHIT. I have a boyfriend that cares. I'm staying alive for him. I don't even know if I would be alive if I didn't have him. I would've died, already. He's keeping me stable. Keeping me alive....


GO TO HELL.