some reasons im here .. //:

people ask me "why do you cut.?" i have many reasons you will never understand, more then i could ever begin to tell you. I have been through a lot i know wht is like to 'self harm' in other words cut, i have and still do. Im trying so hard to stop for my Best friend. although he has cancer and has got the results back and the papers show he has 6months to live ): . i told him many times he HAS to fight it, that i need him, he cant die. but no matter wht the cancer keeps throwing him back into the hospital bed. lately ive found myself not sleeping or when i do i wake up crying out his name. to get though the day i would repeat to myself "this world will keep turning, with or with out 'you' im just really hoping its with you.!" my whole time i know how much HOPE ive lost. i feel like i cant get up and when he dies no ones gonna care anymore. the one thing he wants before he dies, is for me to get help and to stop cutting.
my brother is in the military (comes back late Feb. earlier Mar. <3) i never really knew him, hes from my dads side. i have 2 other brothers from my dads side but my brother Joey was the only one that keep in contact with me. over the years of us talking about getting to see each other, meeting for the first time in 6 years almost. we finally did, i moved to florida and he drove up to see me. It was weird, meeting my brother because i didnt know him as my brother well i did but i knew him better as my friend..
My brother Ryan from my moms side, has been there for me my hole life. hes has 2 kids and one on the way. he is now married 10-10-10 <3
part of me likes the girl but idk
i have 5 almost 6 nieces and nephews.(4 from my sister and and 2 and a half from my brother) when i play with the kids, they are sometimes mean to me, i know they are kids but sometimes it makes me feel like im not even wanted by them //:
now my brother his wife and kids are moving to texas.. i know imma miss them and i really dont want them to leave. but again something not going my way..
living with my mom is hard, being that we can not get 'on are feet' and my mother can not get a job. there for can not get her own house for us. it would only be me and her.. its almost like she doesnt want a job like she doesnt care.
there is this guy we have been off and on together for almost a year. we split up and 'dated' someone else. we have said so many things to hurt one another but can never get over each other. i think i love him..