I WANT DEATH!!!!!!

I know something is wrong with me. I wasn't supposed to be born. My parents worship my little sis. My boyfriend was one of the two things at the time that kept me from suicide. My pets would be able to live without me but I don't know who wouldn't be able to. One Saturday i got my cracked guitar pick and made deep x's in my wrists. I tried to break the skin. I've been doing that all week mostly at school while teachers aren't looking. A couple days ago I found my pocket knife that I lost in the move. I want to cut the x's so badly but i'm afraid to. I have a scar on my forehead where I busted my head open when I was 4. I have a scar on my leg where a welded fence had broke and I stepped over wrong. I want to die. I beg God at night to let me die. I feel like he ignores me. This is painful to write. I'm about to cry. I have no where else to turn. I can't tell my friends or family because they never understand my pain. Thy underestimate the sorrow in my life.WILL SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME!!!!!! I can barely keep from crying when the littlest insults are said to me. I'm a strong person normally but this destroys me. I'm not normally dramatic unless I'm entertaining my friends. My smiles are fake. My happiness and laughter are a show. I don't know how to get happy when all i do is cry. Mabey one day I'll get the courage to kill myself and end this pain. I think God shuns me and wants to let me suffer. I would rather kill myself then live like this and I'm only 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!