Have you ever not been sure if you were suppose to be happy or sad or stressed? Because recently, i've felt that way. I have almost every reason to be happy but, my family just...drags me back down. I love them yet i constantly feel they don't love me as much. What kind of a family calls their daughter or sister fat? I don't mean to complain. It helps typing my thoughts out sometimes...maybe, i am a little fat...i don't know...all i see when i look in the mirror is the flaws. Why can't i ever be...

I hate this room. 4 walls painted red and only one widow. It's too small. Perhaps it's because i'm always in here but, i just want to scream. I can escape but where too? A house that is even more of a prison? The only time it feels like i can escape it when it's warm and rainy or when i hurt myself. Even then it doesn't last long. I know the solution to the problem. It's a work in progress to fix it like most things. Is that an excuse? I don't know. I look forward to Monday though. I hope it goes...

I'm at the point where silence is loud. And so is darkness. But sometimes, even when i'm listening to music or watching a video, it's too quiet. If that makes sense. Maybe, i've just been in this room too long. And right now, i'm exhausted and want to go to sleep but i don't want to go to bed because i don't want to wake up. And that scares me. But it also sounds nice...To sleep forever. But then, i'd miss out on living. I don't want to die. I just want to sleep till this time of my life is over....

I find it funny and interesting that even though i share my laptop with my mom and sometimes my sister, they never notice the sites i've been on. Like ones like this one and others for depression and movie site where i watch movies like Suicide Room. Haha. Guess i'm the invisible women. Lovely. *vanishes* With this ability, i shall destroy my enemies! Mwhahahahaha! >

I find it interesting that people say i look beautiful and skinny, yet they still call me fat or tell me how something is unhealthy for me. There's only 1 person in this world that doesn't give a fuck about how i look...or atleast i think he does. It's hard to tell sometimes...why do people like to play games? Is that all i am to them? A toy? And i mean that in almost every way possible. But i've decided to stop hurting myself. Because afterwards i just feel worse. I wonder if insulting myself in...

Everything was going so right. It hadn't in awhile. Now....i don't know....today was just...bad? I wanted to cry so many time, i scratched so many times, i starved myself, and i fought with most of the people i care about; which isn't many. So, now i feel empty and tired and lonely. I just want to sleep but i can't...i want to sleep forever but then i'd miss out on so much.