You all act like you see right through me.
Think that you know everything about me.
You never will...

You wont ever see that pain and hurt that I lock away inside.
The scars on my body either from the belts that slapped my skin or the cuts from knives and razors shoved in so deep.

You think im strong.
Your wrong.
Im weaker than you'd imagine.
I cry myself to sleep at night.
I scream and beg for mercy to escape the aching pain....

The title of this blog can stir quite a bit of controversy, it seems. I have been seeking input with my homelife situation where my Mom spanks me once or twice a week in order to change my behavior. She does this with her open hand palm with both my pants and underwear down. At 16, I have wondered if I am too old for this form of discipline, but spanking has been in our family tradition. Also, my mom's church promotes spanking as a discipline. I've grown up with spanking, and for me, it helps "clean...

Here’s what’s so fascinating to me now
that I’ve spent time bettering myself and
continue to work on my mindset every day:

I see so many people holler a cry for help,
complaining about their problems, especially
how they’re always telling a tale of some tragedy
pretty much the entire time, and how they
have no friends and want friends.

Yet, when they come to a place such as
this very website you’re on right now and...

I relapsed and I don't care. I jus don't care and I don't know how to get that care back. 600 days clean and I relapse and I don't care. I am numb to everything and I hate to say it but it feels good to SH again. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know if I want to recover.