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(8) Eating a carrot, carrot, carrot slice (8) *Trig*

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Posted December 22nd 2011 at 12:38 AM by Anatidaephobia


Ok so the blog title's a little different. Basically my Friend S made it up as a Paradoy to Coldplay's Paradise I've had some funny convos today and they've put a smile on my face. This is the first time I've actually felt like I've got friends at my new school...just before I leave (I only have 5 months leftish ( But at least I won't spend every lunch time on my own crying and cutting. Better late than never I guess.

The only thing is though all I can think about is overdosing. Tomorrow should be a really good day. I'm going out with W,S and E and then seeing my little cousin who I adore. Yet all I can think about is overdosing. My arm hurts, my head hurts and I honestly just want to cry.

I purged again today. I ate a chocolate. This things just getting worse. I'm kinda scare. I can't keep fobbing off eating when I got out with friends yet I can't purge then they'll know. And if I do eat I just become incredibly suicidal. I know this isn't healthy. But I don't know what to do. I want someone to tell me everythings going to be ok. I need a hug. I feel so alone.

Everything seems like such a mess. Heck, everything is a mess. I'm a mess and I don't know if anyone can change that this time. I'm not strong enough for this. Wish I could let someone in.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    WhisperingSilence's Avatar
    You are strong enough, and you can do this and you can beat this. It's good you feel as though you've got friends at school and can have a laugh with them - friends can be everything at times can't they ? At least I've found with my friends when I'm with some of them everything just seems that little bit better.
    Keep going and keep fighting you can do this and you can beat this. You are strong enough.
    permalink
    Posted December 22nd 2011 at 11:06 AM by WhisperingSilence WhisperingSilence is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Palmolive's Avatar
    You're doing really well Em. I'm glad your seeing friends and having a good time, I wish I was Even though its not making everything better, which we knew wouldn't happen, keep on doing it, at least its getting you out and making you have good times and leaving good memories. You're so beautiful, you know? I know it's hard but you can do this. Keep on fighting and keep yourself safe. Don't be alone either. I'm here if you ever need anyone or anything. I love you gorgeous xxx
    permalink
    Posted December 22nd 2011 at 09:30 PM by Palmolive Palmolive is offline
  3. Old Comment
    zombiehunterforhire's Avatar
    You shouldn't feel like that Emma. you a good person and i promise you everything will be fine. and here's that hug you wanted
    permalink
    Posted December 22nd 2011 at 10:46 PM by zombiehunterforhire zombiehunterforhire is offline
 
 
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