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The good, the bad and the ugly. *Trig*
Posted December 7th 2011 at 05:15 PM by Anatidaephobia
Yesterday was amazing. It was the first day I’ve actually properly enjoyed for as long as I can remember. It was cold, wet and I had to queue for almost 4 hours, It was a 3hour drive but every minute was worth it. Me and my friend M had fun, especially finding out there was a place called Cockfosters Oh how mature are we. M's mom said she'll take us there seen as it amused us so much. We also annoyed one woman on the underground (which was actually over ground?) the lights kept randomly going on and off and me and M decided it was ghosts. We knew it wasn't but it was funny seeing people's faces when you tell them the carriage is haunted :') they just looked at us like ooooooook.
When we were queuing up we met the weirdest women. I mean she made me look normal me and M were on about kidnapping Russell Howard because lets face it who wouldn't want him (: This women joined in and tried to show M's mum her 759 pictures of Russell Howard. She nearly cried when she didn't get to be on the show and meet him.
The show was hilarious we ended up watching two which is always a bonus. He was recording the Christmas one as well as this one was the last in his series.
So yeah I know want this guy as my pet or something. I love him (:
Wish today was as good though. Today's been a horrible day. Hardly slept at all. Lost £10. Cut my arm to pieces. Got more pills than i have to try and convince myself not to take, don’t know why I don't just do it though. Binged. Purged. Just messed up.
It feels like I have to fight this on my own. This constantly battle that's slowly killing me. No matter how hard I try nothing seems to help. Nothing seems to make a difference. It feels like everyone's giving up on me and that feels horrible.
I'm trying to hold out till Feb until I meet L. Hopefully meeting G soon as well. But after that I don't really see what I've got to look forward to. It so hard just keeping myself alive. Especially keeping all these secrets and lies. Sick of pretending to be ok. All I want to do I kill myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like it's ok for everyone around me to destroy themselves, yet it's not ok for me. I don't really want to be alive anymore.
When we were queuing up we met the weirdest women. I mean she made me look normal me and M were on about kidnapping Russell Howard because lets face it who wouldn't want him (: This women joined in and tried to show M's mum her 759 pictures of Russell Howard. She nearly cried when she didn't get to be on the show and meet him.
The show was hilarious we ended up watching two which is always a bonus. He was recording the Christmas one as well as this one was the last in his series.
So yeah I know want this guy as my pet or something. I love him (:
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Wish today was as good though. Today's been a horrible day. Hardly slept at all. Lost £10. Cut my arm to pieces. Got more pills than i have to try and convince myself not to take, don’t know why I don't just do it though. Binged. Purged. Just messed up.
It feels like I have to fight this on my own. This constantly battle that's slowly killing me. No matter how hard I try nothing seems to help. Nothing seems to make a difference. It feels like everyone's giving up on me and that feels horrible.
I'm trying to hold out till Feb until I meet L. Hopefully meeting G soon as well. But after that I don't really see what I've got to look forward to. It so hard just keeping myself alive. Especially keeping all these secrets and lies. Sick of pretending to be ok. All I want to do I kill myself. It's all I can think about. It feels like it's ok for everyone around me to destroy themselves, yet it's not ok for me. I don't really want to be alive anymore.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Yesterday sounds so much fun, telling people the train is haunted sounds like something I would do xD . And russel howard is really fit xD
You don't have to fight this on your own, and I'm not giving up on you. Keep going you can do this and you can beat this.Posted December 7th 2011 at 07:03 PM by WhisperingSilence
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Hi beautiful girl, I'm so glad you had a great day. You can have more of those, you know. I know things aren't great right now but I know that you can get through this. You are a strong and beautiful young lady who deserves NOTHING but the very BEST. Keep holding on. I promise it won't be like this forever. I'm always here for you, ok? Keep that in mind. Whenever you need me, I'm always a PM/VM/MSN message away. I love you. <3Posted December 7th 2011 at 07:07 PM by Stargazed.
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Everything will be ok Emma. i swear on it. everything did for me and it will do so for you too. Youre a good person Emma. anyone with eyes and a brain stem can see that.you hearts in the right place and it deserves to keep beating
Posted December 7th 2011 at 07:21 PM by zombiehunterforhire
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Im really glad you had fun yesterday. Keep it in your head. You can do this sweetie. Im not giving up on you. Just try to thing about every day one at a time. You can stay alive. I love you. Stay strong. <3Posted December 8th 2011 at 05:30 AM by Lumos.
