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The game called life (Trig)
Posted May 18th 2011 at 05:54 PM by Anatidaephobia
Updated May 18th 2011 at 08:48 PM by Anatidaephobia
Updated May 18th 2011 at 08:48 PM by Anatidaephobia
I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to think anymore. I just feel empty and numb. It's like i'm running constantly in circle, i'm going nowhere, yet every lap gets harder and more tiring than the last. The pressure to give up is greater. I get used to the pain aswell so with each lap of the circle I cut more and more deeper and deeper. But like any game or race there has to be an end. I fear mines coming soon. I can't take this anymore. I want it to end. I don't want to hurt anyone but I don't want to fight anymore.
I feel so weak, so tired. I can't resist everything anymore. The constant urges to OD and cut. I can't ignore the images, the dreams, the voice. I can't fight this alone. Yet I can't tell anyone about it. This is the most I've ever said. I can't even believe i'm writing this down.
I want to give up now. I can't think of many reasons not to. I feel so alone. I know I have friends and people that want to help but I can't open up. I won't let myself get hurt again. I have to protect me. I just don't think that i'm strong enough anymore.
I want to fix everything. I want to make things better for everyone. I hate seeing my friends suffer. I don't care if I hurt. I don't care what happens to me. I'm not good enough. I'm bad. I need to be punished. Emma you have to be perfect. Your hurting everyone and letting everyone down. Why are you not good enough?
I hate myself. I'm a selfish, good for nothing, lying, cheating, stealing, fat, ugly, useless, worthless, stupid, lazy, horrible, ignorant, excuse of a human. I don't deserve anything other than pain and death.
My friends have given up on me. Can't say I blame them. I'm a mess. They only know one tiny thing and they can't handle it. I can't handle it either. Feel so lost.
I want to give up. I want someone to hold me, i'm scared.
I feel so weak, so tired. I can't resist everything anymore. The constant urges to OD and cut. I can't ignore the images, the dreams, the voice. I can't fight this alone. Yet I can't tell anyone about it. This is the most I've ever said. I can't even believe i'm writing this down.
I want to give up now. I can't think of many reasons not to. I feel so alone. I know I have friends and people that want to help but I can't open up. I won't let myself get hurt again. I have to protect me. I just don't think that i'm strong enough anymore.
I want to fix everything. I want to make things better for everyone. I hate seeing my friends suffer. I don't care if I hurt. I don't care what happens to me. I'm not good enough. I'm bad. I need to be punished. Emma you have to be perfect. Your hurting everyone and letting everyone down. Why are you not good enough?
I hate myself. I'm a selfish, good for nothing, lying, cheating, stealing, fat, ugly, useless, worthless, stupid, lazy, horrible, ignorant, excuse of a human. I don't deserve anything other than pain and death.
My friends have given up on me. Can't say I blame them. I'm a mess. They only know one tiny thing and they can't handle it. I can't handle it either. Feel so lost.
I want to give up. I want someone to hold me, i'm scared.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Please don't think this way sweetie. You need to get some help. Have you tried telling a trusted friend or adult about what's been going on? If you need any help pm me.Posted May 18th 2011 at 06:03 PM by LiveLifeZara
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I love you <3
Stay strong. You know where i am, gorgeous.
Posted May 18th 2011 at 07:25 PM by Stardaze
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Sweetie i wish i could hold you, give you a hug and tell you everything is gonna be okay. You've gotta keep remembering that it is gonna be okay, you just have to stay strong. Text me whenever you need to sweetie and don't be afraid to tell me anything. Im always gonna be here for you no matter what.
Love you more than you love penguins
<3 xxxxxPosted May 19th 2011 at 04:04 PM by x_sepi_x
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I'm always here to help you, I promise I will never gove up on you, you are worthy of a happy life and I want to help you get one. I think you're beautiful, I really do and I really do love you. Please keep fighting, think of the future and think of a happier you, you're so fantastic and you deserve a great life! <3 <3 <3Posted May 20th 2011 at 06:11 PM by Troubled_Heart
