Log in (
Helpless (trig)
Posted April 27th 2011 at 03:23 PM by Anatidaephobia
I don't know why i bother anymore with anything. I am such a mess. Just feel so helpless, useless and stupid.
Today went awfully. The first time i admit the truth and finally open up and it was just dismissed like i am lying or it doesn't even matter and i am just an attention seeking little kid. I admitted everything but the overdoses at my doctors appointment. The cutting, the starving myself, the constant thoughts of killing myself, the feeling of been so low that i can't bring myself to do anything, hell i even mentioned that i even tried to kill myself once (well i have more times but he didn't need to know that) But no obviously i am either not worthy of any help or i am unhelpable. Both pretty much suck and it doesn't help when i am on the edge. Just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like i'm screaming but noone can hear and everyone just chooses to ignore me. I feel so stupid. The first time i have ever opened up to anyone and it doesn't even matter. Suppose i am not worth anything.
I was really upset but had to drag myself into school anyway. I couldn't handle it. I spent the entirety of second lesson hiding in the toilets. I cut a lot. I felt so worthless and helpless, i felt i wanted to hurt myself. I then good blood all over my cardy so had to sit in a coat in my next class even though it was boiling hot.
Just don't know how much more i can handle. I am on the edge and everyone is pushing. Shouting me to jump. Starting to think that might be a good idea.
But i have to try and keep fighting. I know that. I just don't know what to fight for. </3
Today went awfully. The first time i admit the truth and finally open up and it was just dismissed like i am lying or it doesn't even matter and i am just an attention seeking little kid. I admitted everything but the overdoses at my doctors appointment. The cutting, the starving myself, the constant thoughts of killing myself, the feeling of been so low that i can't bring myself to do anything, hell i even mentioned that i even tried to kill myself once (well i have more times but he didn't need to know that) But no obviously i am either not worthy of any help or i am unhelpable. Both pretty much suck and it doesn't help when i am on the edge. Just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like i'm screaming but noone can hear and everyone just chooses to ignore me. I feel so stupid. The first time i have ever opened up to anyone and it doesn't even matter. Suppose i am not worth anything.
I was really upset but had to drag myself into school anyway. I couldn't handle it. I spent the entirety of second lesson hiding in the toilets. I cut a lot. I felt so worthless and helpless, i felt i wanted to hurt myself. I then good blood all over my cardy so had to sit in a coat in my next class even though it was boiling hot.
Just don't know how much more i can handle. I am on the edge and everyone is pushing. Shouting me to jump. Starting to think that might be a good idea.
But i have to try and keep fighting. I know that. I just don't know what to fight for. </3
Total Comments 4
Comments
-
Sweetie,
You are so amazing, you can get through this! Hang in there dear things will improve. I am always here for you, my phone is always on.
I love you <3 Chin up beautiful! <3Posted April 27th 2011 at 05:06 PM by Riddikulus
-
You're not stupid or helpless, you're a great person and I love you for it. You are one of the most worthy people I know and if I knew what to do to make you happy I would definately do it! You should fight for those who want to help, for those who love you and would miss you, remember how great you are and how things can always improve. Think about a time before all this and times of happiness. You are a strong and amazing person and I admire you for that, you are deserving of happiness and you told someone about this which is a great step, you are fantastic and I love you! Please try and keep going, things can only get better for you, stay strong my beautiful friend <3Posted April 27th 2011 at 06:11 PM by Troubled_Heart
-
The fact that you know you gotta keep fighting shows you have strength somewhere inside you Emma and that's what you've gotta keep fighting for. You've gotta do all this for yourself because at the end of it it's gonna help you. Doctors can sometimes seem apprehensive and look like they don't believe and sometimes they don't but thats when you've gotta realise that only you can make yourself betta. All you need is a little bit of support and guidance in the right direction from a few others but overall it'll only be you getting yourself out of this rut...no-one else will do that. Which is why you've gotta keep fighting darling, keep at it and slowly but surely you'll reach a better place <3 xxxPosted April 27th 2011 at 09:41 PM by x_sepi_x
-
Hey, you're not stupid. Not at all. They just don't understand you, that's all. You are worthy of help. You mean so very much to me!! Don't you ever tell yourself otherwise Em!
It's just that at certain times during our life we are faced with challenges, and we think that they're too hard to come out of. Don't let your mind play such tricks on you. You are perfectly capable of becoming and feeling better. You need to believe it, sweetheart. I love you so much! So very much. You've always got me on your side!
Hang on, my darling! I'm right by your side. <3Posted April 30th 2011 at 01:46 PM by Spirit.
