...

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps praying the floor won't fall through again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight
Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aoS2...endscreen&NR=1


i still remember the look on your face
lit through the darkness at 1:58
the words that you whispered for just us to know
you told me you loved me
so why did you go away
away

i do recall now, the smell of the rain
fresh on the pavement
i ran off the plane
that july 9th, the beat of your heart
it jumps through your shirt
...

SO I'VE BEEN PLANNING TO DO THE NATIONAL DAY OF SILENCE FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS NOW. WHO'S WITH ME?
...

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost...

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, it's cold out side
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, it's cold inside

And your slowly shaking fingertips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?...

She's upset
Bad day
Heads for the dresser drawer to
Drive her pain away
Nothing good can come of this.
She opens it there's nothing
There is only left over tears
Mom and dad had no right she screams
As the anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows she cries

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief...

I have the best friend in the whole freaking world, i love her more than anything. she makes my day brighter and can make me happy when nothing else can. whenever i need her i know where to look. i can see her there, she knows my dreams, my secrets, my fears and the reason for my tears. with her i know its ok to cry cause she will cry too, but what makes me sad is that when i move to hug her all i feel is glass. my best friend is the reflection in the mirror. i know she won't leave me but...

so a few years ago my depression hit me hard. i tried to kill myself, was self harming but no one saw. i started isolating and didn't like to talk. i quit singing which i'm really passionate about. my mom made me 2 appointments with a therapist but cancelled all others after that.
i'm still depressed but i have gotten better at hiding it. sometimes the thoughts build up and my wrist starts begging to be cut or burnt or bruised just so the thoughts will stop.
long story...

so i have been thinking alot about everything everyone has said and i want to thank you for taking the time to just say hi. i have also thought again about how much i want to die. i'm ready to say good bye. yesterday i attempted to overdose, i took 2 caffeine pills, 6 tylenol, 5 benadryl, 2 nyquil, and 3 aspirin. i felt sick and almost puked. i stayed up until 11:30 writing in my journel before the benadryl and nyquil kicked in and i passed out.
i wish to God that it had worked. i prayed...